Goofball ringing doorbells on Underhill

Well, he rang mine, anyway—about 10 minutes ago—and I'm guessing he'll try to hit up others in the area. He's a West Indian dude with close-cropped hair, wearing a red polo shirt, calling himself "Oliver." He tried to give me a sob story about how he wants to "go straight," but I told him to get lost before he got very far into his tale of woe, so I don't know too many details. Whatever your story is, pal, ringing women's doorbells at midnight is probably not the best approach to findining a listener.

Now I have a renewed pining for a Caribbean staging of Oliver the Musical.