Early 20s, advice on meeting new friends

canyontothesky wrote: [quote=Drunken Revival]
I don't really want to argue either, but I'm pretty much sticking by the original notion that romantic relationships, especially young ones, stifle ones ability to branch out into other sorts of relationships..

I'll go with you on that, but there's a difference between those who don't realize it's stifling other relationships and those, like me, who think, 'hey, I don't get out as much as I should,' and do reach out and have such relationships eventually. In the end I'm not missing anything, but rather I've grown.

OK, keep an eye out. Tomorrow night, I will post to announce the next Brooklynian happy hour. Don't miss it!

Carni is right, we actually don't suck much. And there's a decent handful of 20-30something ladies in the hood who are always up for a beverage or two or five at happyahora time (myself included.)

you really could do worse than hanging out with the brooklynian crew, not by much, but still.

I think making friends here is difficult only because it is seemingly so easy. I know a lot of people who moved to nyc straight out of college from alabama, iowa, generally speaking any non-metropolitan area, made a lot of "friends" very quickly by going to bars and clubs only to realize after a few months that their "friends" were actually dirtbags.

It's a wild world.

vidro3 wrote: you really could do worse than hanging out with the brooklynian crew, not by much, but still.

It's true. Mr. Whynot and I are about the only cool ones. ...but we make up for everyone else.

whynot_31 wrote: [quote=vidro3]you really could do worse than hanging out with the brooklynian crew, not by much, but still.

It's true. Mr. Whynot and I are about the only cool ones. ...but we make up for everyone else.


"Mr. Whynot and I"?????

this original post sounds like i wrote it myself. maybe a brooklynian get-together would be a nice idea...


I tried the "go to grad school" way of meeting friends - i made 1 good friend in my 2 years there.
Then I tried going to shows, museums, beer tastings, etc. but usually people go with a friend or a significant other, making me the odd-one-out before we had even met.
then I tried volunteering and met only people much older than me or only interested in hanging out when they thought I was single.

it's really tough in NYC - much tougher than in smaller cities or towns. But I remain optimistic.

Flexichick wrote: [quote=whynot_31][quote=vidro3]you really could do worse than hanging out with the brooklynian crew, not by much, but still.

It's true. Mr. Whynot and I are about the only cool ones. ...but we make up for everyone else.


"Mr. Whynot and I"?????

Dude wrote that when I wasn't looking.

Back on topic: OP we expect to see you at Happy Hour.

^Dude is way cooler than you :-)

The Brooklynian crew is cool. 8)



We're kinda like trail mix: you got your nutty ones, sweet ones, ethnic ones (Brazilian nuts?) , ones you try once and then skip over when you're going in for more, cuz they taste like poo and you just wanna....and then...wait-what? I was going somewhere with that, but then somehow I got lost. :scratch:

Whatever. :shrug:

Cool people are known for professing their cool in online forums.

Anyway, OP, I think you are going about this backwards. No one wants a desperate friend. REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY, dudette: walk into some happening coffee place, with your ear glued to your cellphone, and your dayplanner out, and just nonchalantly, but loudly say into your phone, "No, I'm sorry, I just don't have time for any friends. My schedule [now flip through that dayplanner]... my schedule [flip some more]... it's really just all full up. How 'bout we try this friendship again in a few months?" People will be jumping in line to be your friend. Worth a try.

Dayplanner?

Calendar, schedule, etc. Is it not called a Day Planner? Dayplanner? Book with pages that have numbers on them, those numbers corresponding to the days of the year.

Flexi, that's an obsolete term for "PDA" or "smartphone".

Some people still use paper and don't have cellphones, smart or otherwise.
I stand by Cat: http://catandgirl.com/?p=2376

booklaw wrote: Flexi, that's an obsolete term for "PDA" or "smartphone".

I remember them....sort of. I was just confused because it was used in a sentence with "cool"

It wasn't even used in the same paragraph.

^ok, same post. Same thing :-)

OP should come out and eat some trail mix

Flexichick wrote: OP should come out and eat some trail mix

Is it not too cold out for burkenstocks?

It really can be so incredibly hard to find (real) friends in this city, but the fact that you have a boyfriend kinda gives you an edge. Ya know, you have someone to come home to at night, which many gals in this city don't have, so consider yourself lucky on that end.

So, since you are in a committed relationship, I would suggest things that you could do as a couple where you could meet other couples (organized dinner groups?). That way, you can connect with other ladies that also have boyfriends, but want girlfriends too. There's many committed women out there that would hang, sans BF, on a Friday night when their man wants to watch the game...or some other jocular activity....

www.thelifepub.com is also something you might be interested in. It's like meetup.com but more on an individual basis (can meet whoever you want and talk to them beforehand).. i believe everything is free as well (which is always good)

Carnivore wrote: Good advice, DR. Except possibly for the advice about grad school, that is. Unless the grad school furthers a very specific career objective, it's probably a waste of time and money.
http://chronicle.com/article/Graduate-School-in-the/44846/

I guess that depends on your goal: I made some friends that way who have helped make my own transition, like this post's author's, much easier. On the other hand, grad school was in DC, so I'm right back to where she is. I'm planning on trying everyone's good advice out for myself as well.

@Canyon maybe we could start out as friends. I'm also in this long-term relationship with my GF, and understand the extra difficulty in making friends in a town where I don't know many people and have trouble meeting them (esp if you're not single). Good luck in any case.

Drunken Revival wrote: Right, I was referring to a useful grad degree, you know, something that people actually care about. Like law or an MBA.
...
I don't want this to become a grad school debate, but in "these trying economic times" the MBA, for example, has become that much more of a differentiator and, as such, more valuable.

How did I not notice these comments the first time I looked at this thread? You know how stupid this sounds, right, especially at the moment? If your goal is employment, I'm sure a degree in a specific field --- where you gain actual knowledge of a subject; knowledge people want to employ you in order to have access to --- is far more valuable than an MBA. For example: my PhD in particle physics pretty much guarantees me a job, with an unemployment rate consistently at or below 1%.

That said, the suggestion that someone go to grad school to make friends is, well... it sounds like someone with an MBA thought of that genius move.

So would people be up for a Brooklynian happy hour a Sharlene's on Wednesday or Thursday next week? I can start a thread.

Carnivore wrote: So would people be up for a Brooklynian happy hour a Sharlene's on Wednesday or Thursday next week? I can start a thread.

Wednesday works better for me. ...and I'm all about me.

I gotta get in on that Happy Hour thing. Wednesday Thursday, any day.
I am billy no-mates.

Wednesday is cool.

Happy Hour at Sharlenes = Carneviento/Albaz =Nomnomnom!!

i could do wed or thurs. have to see how the cash situation looks of course.

I'd be up for meeting folks...color me low on local friends just like the OP. What kind of time range are we talking? Wednesday I can't make unless you guys hang out past 9.

Have yet to make it out to Sharlene's so this could work for me.

So where's the individual thread at?