underhill iceball

hello roving band of underhill teenagers who threw some iceballs at the back of my head,

i thank you for giving me a nice nostalgia trip to my own teenage years. you left me feeling rather confused--that's the sensation i remember most from my youth--wondering whether i'm just a huge wimp or some sort of stoic robot. you see, then and now, i try my best to stay fly under the radar, so whenever i draw the attention of a teenage bully, i think, really? me? i wasn't doing anything! i'm not a spaz, i don't have a kick me sign on my back. i don't even look like a hipster jackass!

a more mature person than me, someone actually in touch with their feelings, might be able to do what my father always implored, and stand up for themselves in the face of such irrational attacks. but again, i'm confused, because as insanely malicious as that iceball to the back of my head was, it didn't actually hurt, it was just sort of surprising. which is why i didn't stop walking, i neither sped up or slowed down. i merely gave a slight turn of the head and tried to make a face that said "really? you're a roving band of teenagers throwing iceballs at the back of strangers' heads? how predictable!"

i imagine i should have screamed some obscenity or chased after you, or done the even more mature (read: yuppie) thing and called the 77th precinct. but it didn't really hurt, and it just made no sense. so i'm just confused.

thanks again, roving band of underhill teenagers. this is the most perplexed i've been since a man in rockefeller center called me a faggot under his breath for looking at his shoes. what a nice trip back to high school.

and one last thing, teenagers. if you had just declared "snowball fight!" or at least thrown it at me while i was walking towards you, i probably would have joined in and we could have had a rousing good time. just like high school, no one ever wants to invite me to the fun.

(this is also my attempt to write a different sort of "OMG I WAS ATTACKED ON THE STREET" thread. try it some time. they're really just harmless teenagers. i almost egged a pro-life rally when i was their age. their hormones have got to be directed at something, right? just happens to be me!)

*end rant*