WTF Happened Here?!

^ I don't think it's cultural. I think that any time you talk about kid's behavior you run the risk that a parent is going to misinterpret what you are trying to say or get defensive. Some parents think that the sun shines out of all kids' asses all the time.

Maybe she took it to mean that were being sarcastic. like she says she raises her kids well and you say "yeah, so your kids aren't bratty?" but we all know ALL kids are bratty sometimes so maybe she thought you were giving her shit for saying she had good kids when everyone knows no kid is perfect... so she got a bit defensive. I agree that it's not a race thing but maybe a miscommunication. and obviously when YOU retell YOUR story to people, people hear your inflection and tone that you intended and only hear what you thought she should hear - but maybe at the time she didn't hear that.

Subject: ...

if it looks crazy and it sounds crazy ...

Flexichick wrote: well, I don't think you can expect a bunch of strangers online to interpret a conversation between two people who have known each other for 20 years. There is a lot of history there, more than we could ever understand.

This.

I actually had a similar experience (though with a stranger) and I think it wasn't a cultural thing but instead about preconceptions/context. Left me feeling similarly annoyed/weirded out at being misinterpreted.

Went to my hometown (which is considerably different from these here parts in that people really keep to themselves, don't ever talk to strangers or compliment their kids or pet their dogs or etc.) and while waiting on line at a 7-11 did the same absentminded baby-gazing that I always do when bored if there's a baby around (I think babies cute, dammit!). The mom, who had turned away from the stroller for like one second, turned back and saw me looking and said in a very defensive tone, "I was watching her!" and glared at me as if I'd accused her of being an inattentive parent.

I was surprised at her reaction because around here, the mom would probably have smiled and assumed (correctly) that I just thought her kid was cute, but figured I must have touched a nerve, or maybe she is one of those people who feel like other people are judging them all the time. Maybe something like that was going on with your friend, Outside Child. What you said about her kids doesn't seem like it would call for defensiveness, but maybe you just touched on something or reminded her of something from a different context that made her misinterpret your meaning. Wouldn't say it was cultural; more like the result of whatever context/personal experience she as an individual filtered your words through.

I think it must be hard for parents not to mentally scrutinize themselves, compare themselves to others and find themselves wanting in some way. Especially if they're full-time stay-at-home parents: for some, it seems sometimes they think of their children as their "product" and parenting as their "career," so they're judging themselves (and others in the same 'line of work') constantly. Maybe you inadvertently touched on something tangential to something your friend is insecure about. Obviously that's what I did with that mother in the 7-11 or she wouldn't have snapped at me.

I wouldn't say it's about fault. It just kind of is what it is. Seems like full-time parenting can get to even the sanest people, and even though it's overall rewarding, it's still hard. No time off! I think it makes people go a little crazy from time to time. I have a couple friends doing the full-time parent of young kids thing right now, but have never done myself. Occasional babysitting is adequate for me!

Also, I think parents (around here at least) face a lot of scrutiny from other parents. That's got to be difficult. Most parents of young kids haven't been parents of young kids before (due to the youngness of their kids), and aside from whatever they worry about for themselves it seems the like pressure's on from their peers surrounding them, even if it's not said out loud. (Though if you search this board - and I'm not even talking about the Park Slope Parents section - you'll find a billion examples of people saying totally judgmental things deliberately within earshot of strangers to express their disapproval of parenting activities.)

But of course, I had no relationship with the woman I apparently offended in 7-11 in my hometown, while yours with your friend goes back 20 years. So while I was just mildly irritated/surprised at the 7/11 woman's reaction, it was easy not to take it personally. You have a history and hence more investment in the relationship and reason to be upset by her reaction.

Did you call him "articulate" to try to provoke him and prove a point?

Subject: Re: WTF Happened Here?!

Outside Child wrote: white girl: raises her kids every day and hell whenever possible....

I: good so that means you don't have those god awful out of control brats I sadly see every day in this country

white girl: ummmm....right. not that I need to prove anything to you , but my kids really are pretty amazing. bratty sometimes? of course. but aren't we all?

I : Dude why you always got such a stick up your ass the f uck is wrong with you I was giving you a f ucking compliment and you come with all this badmindedness WTF stop acting like a skunthole for no reason

Seriously, WTF happened here :shock: :?

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i don't think the compliment bothered her,more then likely ,it was the stick she had stuck up her ass, that had her aggravated.

modsquad wrote: [quote=Carnivore]Did you call him "articulate" to try to provoke him and prove a point?

No, I wish I was as articulate.

really, cause I was lost at the first sentence:

"raises her kids every day and hell whenever possible.... "

WTH does that mean?