MEAN NEIGHBOR ON STERLING

When I reached my car this morning, I realized I didn't have an ice scraper and my windows were covered in ice. My car was parked in front of a limestone building and there was a woman outside shoveling her steps. After she was done shoveling, I politely asked if I could borrow her shovel for a few minutes. Why'd I do that? He body language told me I'd done the wrong thing...First she rolled her eyes, then she sarcastically said, "God, Don't you have YOUR OWN equipment??!" Sensing she wasn't the sharing type, simply said "Forget it," and asked someone else. She's white. I'm black. Yes, some unsavory thoughts about the "new people" in the neighborhood went through my head---so, I walked down the block and asked someone who looks like me (another black person) to use his scraper---and NOT ONLY did he offer me his spare scraper, but he came down the street and helped scrape my windows....I know this isn't about race, but situations like this certainly give me pause. And yes, I purchased MY OWN scraper this morning and you're welcome to use it....

man this is nyc. nobody shares!! no damn commune!

oh that sucks .

Subject: Re: MEAN NEIGHBOR ON STERLING

RBG wrote: I know this isn't about race, but situations like this certainly give me pause. And yes, I purchased MY OWN scraper this morning and you're welcome to use it....

This is so tedious.

SO she's a petty asshat. I don't believe race has anything to do with it. Remember, what goes around comes around, and she may be asking YOU for a favor one day.

sje wrote: SO she's a petty asshat. I don't believe race has anything to do with it. Remember, what goes around comes around, and she may be asking YOU for a favor one day.

I agree. people are sometimes just assholes. race doesn't matter at all. it would be helpful if it did - at least we could all figure out who the assholes are by look. le sigh

well in defense of mean person. maybe they have to get to work inthe morning and dont feel like waiting out in the cold for her shovel back. just a thought.

There almost always comes a time when neighborliness is necessary...When I lived on Washington at Bergen, I once got locked out very early in the am, in pajamas w/coat over it, walking the dogs, in the rain. The only person who would help me even call a locksmith was the great guy who runs the parking lot on St. Marks {right next to you, armchair}, he was a *lifesaver*...I will never forget that. Stuff like this is what separates a healthy, thriving neighborhood from a place to simply flop in lonely anonimity.

Screw her, RGB...I guarantee you sooner or later your nasty neighbor will need a small favor.

well in defense of mean person. maybe they have to get to work inthe morning and dont feel like waiting out in the cold for her shovel back. just a thought.

The issue here isn't the refusal to help it's the sarcastic holier than thou rejoiner that accompanied the refusal. If the woman was in hurry she could have said so in a civil manner. This woman is truly an asshat.

It's interesting to RBG thought about this through the prism of race though - I kind of wonder if gender politics don't come into play more acutely in this type of situation. My sense is that if a woman politely asks a guy for help in some kind of a physical endeavour that (for the most part) he'll readily offer help and walk through the rest of his day feeling good about the fact that in some small way that he was somebody's knight in shining armor. On the other hand maybe a woman doing this kind of chore feels a bit flustered at the fact that she has to deal with it herself and annoyed that she doesn't have anyone to help her out thinks "I'll be damned if I'll do this again."

This is of course an overly broad (no pun intended) and sweeping generalization - of course there are plenty of women who are perfectly well able to scrape ice without getting flustered or copping an attitude. (Now in RBG's case it's a bit more complicated than that, she asked to borrow the ice scraper, not actually for help using. )

Still it would be an interesting social experiment to see how people's responses differed based on gender differences in these types of situations. My guess would be that a woman asking for this kind of assistance (minor physical exertion) would be helped more by men than women and that the difference between the responses would get more pronounced the better looking the women asking the favor was.

When first reading your post, Race didnt even factor into the equation. Pointing out that she was white and you're black is not in itself enough to make this a Racist interaction. Maybe she was PMSing, maybe you were the 3rd person to ask to borrow her shovel. She could also be just be an asshole. Every situation can have a Racist spin on it but, lets hold off on our judgements. I'm wondering if the woman were black would we even be reading this post?

I appreciate everyone's well-thought reactions to my experience this morning. I actually did think of this from a gender POV as well, but thought more about the gender politics and dynamics that transpire between black women and white women. Would she have been nice or more accomodating had I been a white man? Or an attractive black man? Or an old black woman? Just food for thought...

chrispy wrote: It's interesting to RBG thought about this through the prism of race though - I kind of wonder if gender politics don't come into play more acutely in this type of situation.

This was my first thought, too.

Subject: Re: MEAN NEIGHBOR ON STERLING

RBG wrote: Yes, some unsavory thoughts about the "new people" in the neighborhood went through my head

First ice scraper! Welcome to New York.

Seriously, don't I recall you saying a while back that you have a BMW? Is that correct? That, more than anything, may play a role in it, especially to say "Don't you have your own equipment" to you. She may have made some assumptions about your wealth and entitlements for you to be asking her for some help.

Doublediamond---I never stopped to think that she was discriminating against me because of my car...Can someone be car-ist? or dog-ist? or cat-ist?

maybe she was classist? but most likely she was just a selfish unneighborly arsehole. i mean really, who doesn't let someone borrow an ice scraper on a cold day!?!?! maybe karma will get her back with a case of frozen locks? or better yet, a blown tire for parking in a puddle that freezes overnight.

RBG wrote: Doublediamond---I never stopped to think that she was discriminating against me because of my car...Can someone be car-ist? or dog-ist? or cat-ist?

Yes, yes and yes.

It's not the car, but what it represents--to them.

As far as the other two, the terms "cat person" and "dog person" come to mind. (Of course, there is "none of the above" too.)

Um, wait--you weren't asking ME...sorry.

Maybe the woman didn't help you out 'cause you're HOTT.

Maybe the man did help you out 'cause you're HOTT.

WhyFi, you stole my response! I was thinking the same thing. I have never seen RBG, but I get the feeling that she's a stone-cold fox.

I've never seen her, but I'd definitely let her borrow my scraper.

RBG wrote: Doublediamond---I never stopped to think that she was discriminating against me because of my car...Can someone be car-ist? or dog-ist? or cat-ist?

Exactly what MichaelKeys stated. :-) Some people get a strong response when they see others having signifiers of wealth and start hating. Big shot like you, asking for the shovel for your BMW? Get your own!! That wouldn't be too far fetched, in my opinion.

And if you're hot, then she didn't like you for that, either! :-P

pensodyssey wrote: I've never seen her, but I'd definitely let her borrow my scraper.

You'd knock the ice offa what?!

You guys are outta control.

I don't even see how race had anything to do with this. I'm black, by the way. If your post had been made with the colors inverted, you would probably scream 'Oh she's mean cause she's black??? Oh no you didn't! RACISM!!!'

She was just a bitch, end of story

god. i love chat boards. i love how black people have to make it known to others that we're black when posting online.

it just sheds a whole new light on the sentence you just read, doesn't it??!!

umph.

oh some one can definitely be carist.

i dont like most people who drive luxury cars, just because its probably the biggest waste of money i can think of.

present company excepted of course

jgregorie wrote:
i dont like most people who drive luxury cars, just because its probably the biggest waste of money i can think of.

I just look down on people who drive in general. That way I don't have to worry about how much money they wasted.

Luxury cars... I used to live in a city where every taxi was a top shelf European luxury brand, less than 2 years old. Someone had done the sums, and after taxes (including environmental taxes), operating costs, fuel economy, and resale value, it turned out cheaper that way.

As a woman, I generally look down on able bodied women who ask men to help with minor physical tasks that they can easily do themselves.

By the way, I'm Italian, Irish and Swedish. Does that make me "white"? :-$

LittleRedMenace wrote:
By the way, I'm Italian, Irish and Swedish. Does that make me "white"? :-$

Only until you close the curtains and turn out the lights.

Hey Guys:

Because I'm a good neighbor, I'll take a moment to respond to a few of these comments...

1. Please let the record reflect that I did not mention the make/model of my car---someone else brought that up. BUT, I do drive to work for a few reasons. I wear high heels regularly and it just doesn't make sense to hoof it to work in heels. It seems like everytime I ride the train, the guy with the accordion/kareoke machine picks my car to sing in...I pay for heated seats so I might as well use them in 15 degree weather. I prayed for a new car and consider it a gift from God. Seriously.

LittleRed Menace--I asked a woman to borrow her shovel so I could scrape the car myself. When that didn't work out, yes, I walked down the street and asked a man (a very nice man, may I add) if I could use his scraper. Men LIKE to be NEEDED and are usually HAPPY to help a woman out in times of distress. I am not above having a man carry my bags, hold the door opened, or do "man things" for me. I do not see it as a sign of weakness, but I am instead, very comfortable being a woman. I make no apologies about that.

Luxury Car--For years, I drove a 1972 Jeep Grand Wagoneer. LOVED that truck, but it was just too tempermental. Had a talk with mom who told me to let the "writer girl" image go and get with the program. So, I bought the BMW and never looked back. I work hard and I deserve it. Besides, I prayed and asked God to send me a car and he placed it on my heart to get a BMW...with heated seats...

Oh so GOD wants you to have a BMW! I really thought God preferred Mercedes.

Carnivore wrote: Oh so GOD wants you to have a BMW! I really thought God preferred Mercedes.

in my Father's house, there are many garages.